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Archive for January, 2011

My financial situation continues to be dire, even with help from my family. One day I had a mental image of myself crawling across the desert with my arms outstretched toward an elusive money-laden mirage.

So you can imagine that putting a budget together for this month wasn’t something I was anticipating with joy. Quite the opposite: I knew it was going to be totally depressing. I’d been on the phone for hours the day before and had been able to negotiate some good financial outcomes. But not in all cases, and I’d just found that somehow I was missing $200 in what’s left of my checking account.

I kept putting off doing a budget or spending plan and instead let fear take over. Yesterday I said aloud — the dogs are always a receptive audience — “This is squirrel-cage behavior.” So I did an alternate handwriting session.

Remember how my alternate hand/right brain told me about being ok right this minute (see previous post) and how I thought it was almost predicting the future? Well, it happened again. My dominant hand manically described my money situation: “Since I don’t have enough (well, I know: so far I don’t and no, I still haven’t done a spending plan, but I’m pretty sure I don’t)…”

My alternate hand cut to the chase and simply wrote: do spending plan knowing Loving Kindness will help. I waited, thinking it would write more, but that was all I got. So I sighed and pulled out my Spending Plan notebook.

About a half hour later I wrote, “Huh. I keep thinking I’m forgetting something, but going over numbers several times (natch), it looks like I’ll have enough and $200 extra. Even paying that extra bill. Huh.”

It was true. And I’d recalculated that my checking account was short $80, not $200. I still had a cushion. I couldn’t believe it.

AH wrote, never good to come from fear. Then it listed all of the successes I’d had on the phone the day before and congratulated me for each one. It wrote: you earned all of this by being politely tenacious & patient & deserve to feel proud. just remember we’re not in control. doesn’t mean we don’t have to try, do our best. doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate/don’t earn successes. we can & do!

I celebrated by going to the bank and making my house payments. Then I took a nap. Then I fixed myself a healthy meal and toasted myself with a nice glass of wine.

Today I got a call from the wine-tasting company. They insisted that they wanted to make an immediate deposit into my checking account. ($60, not $80, but I’m not quibbling.)

Huh.



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