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Archive for May, 2010

Remember my April 11 post about my micro job? Well, the job ended briefly, then started up again last week. And I switched from working 4 hours/night to 8 hours/day. After the first day I came home hopelessly depressed, too tired even for my sure-fire, on-call personal coach, a/k/a alternate handwriting.

On the second day of the job something interesting happened. The work shifted just enough to be intriguing instead of frustrating. I started talking to my new co-workers and they were a blast. For the rest of the week I came home mentally exhausted but full of physical energy. I mowed the lawn, cleaned the house, had friends over, shopped for groceries.

It’s like I was brain-dead but bouncy.

On Saturday I put in 5 hours of vigorous yard work, then treated myself to a nice dinner and 4 episodes of Mad Men. (Let’s hear it for Netflix!) Sunday I started to write a letter to a friend who’s in such an emotional upheaval that she can’t talk. I kept scribbling through sentences until the paper was so messy I started over. Then I felt myself shifting.

My theory is that years of connecting to my right brain have taught me to be able to feel it happening. It’s such a different place. I can’t say it’s a different state of mind because it’s beyond mere thinking. My logical left brain is engaged, but my compassionate, empathetic right brain shines through like a diamond, like a beacon of hope. The letter became my gift to my friend.

Sometimes being brain-dead is beneficial. Heaven knows I can be cerebral to the point of pain. I think that’s why I find mindless tasks like hand-laundering and weeding so peaceful. But I’m here to tell you again that this whole-braininess thing is a flat-out miracle.

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For those reading my new story (Circuitous Path to AH), I’ve posted Part 3 in Pages.

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I’ve been working on this posting for a long time. I kept setting it aside, feeling vulnerable.

Now I’ve posted “Iceberg Tips” (1.27.10) and “Glimmers” (3.18.10). And I’ve taught several more classes and been privileged to see how spiritual this practice can be for others. It’s been that way for me for a long time. So here goes.

A while back I was preparing for a presentation and started looking for the alternate handwriting sessions I’d had on belief. I thought this would be daunting (I’ve got quite a stack of this writing), but I found all of my ‘spiritual sessions’ already paper-clipped together. I have no idea why I’d pulled them — I haven’t grouped any others by topic. However, there they were. Hmm.

So: belief. I was raised in a religion that I later abandoned. I used to refer to myself as “lapsed” until someone said that made me sound like a slacker and suggested I use “beyond.” My belief isn’t tied to a particular creed. I just know there’s a greater good within each of us that’s bigger than each of us.

This was fine until I participated in a program whose basic tenet is acknowledging humility before a higher power. That stopped me cold. ‘Humility’ is a word that had meant subjugation in my church-going past. And ‘higher power’ conjured up images of the vengeful deity of my childhood.

I felt myself becoming combative and figured that wasn’t helpful. So I turned to the one thing that I know is always helpful. My dominant hand wrote, ‘This whole idea of God as my employer has got me whacked. Fighting past history about God — and employers! Lots of negatives with both.’

AH responded, haven’t all been bad. probably best to think of God by another, less fraught term. then we’ll work on employer!

After a few false starts, my dominant hand wrote, ‘Loving Kindness? I like that… Having Loving Kindness as an “employer” gives it a whole new slant.’ To which AH replied, much more open to possibilities. much easier to trust. very abundant. no hidden agendas.

There followed a dialogue about the pronoun to use for Loving Kindness (hey, I was an English major), then AH cut to the quick and wrote, think about humility.

‘That’s hard because it harkens back to the old guilt/penitential stuff that I hated. How can I be humble & still be able to consider myself a good person?’

And AH suggested, maybe thank Loving Kindness for making you good, smart, creative, kind… acknowledge that LK is what encourages you to be your best. ‘I can do that,’ my dominant hand wrote. ‘I can even humbly thank…them.’

Eventually we settled on the pronoun you.

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For those reading my new story (Circuitous Path to AH), I’ve posted Part 2 in Pages). It reaffirms my difficulty with employers. Watch what happens in Part 3, though.

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